WANTED: GOD, FOUNDER AND LEADER OF THE JEHOSEPHAT CRIME FAMILY
ALIAS: Jehovah, Zeuss, Odin, Allah, Krsna, Brahma, Yahweh, and many others.
ON THE FOLLOWING CHARGES:
1.CULTIVATION AND TRAFFICKING OF NARCOTICS: God is known to have produced many hundreds of species of marijuana, in addition to opium poppies, coca, psylocybin, and many (all, actually) other currently known and unknown intoxicating and/or hallucinogenic plants. He claimed, according to the famous and controversial "Old Testament" interviews conducted by Moses, to have given mankind, as a gift, "all seed bearing plants", failing to exclude those we don't approve of.
2.OBSTRUCTION OF JUSTICE: Through God's use of the all too efficient "seed" system, in addition to having made the planet too big to search out every inch (yet), he has made prohibition virtually unenforceable.
3.PROMOTING, FACILLITATING AND PROVIDING INSTRUCTION IN CRIMINAL ACTIVITIES: God made human beings able to enjoy drugs we don't approve of, and worst of all provided all human beings, including potential criminals and terrorists, access to powerful and dangerous weapons, namely: intellect and free will. This, has had the unfortunate effect of ensuring that large numbers of human beings will be driven to try enjoying their lives quietly without blindly following our orders, making the ancient dream of a global totalitarian puritanical regime all but unattainable.
4.MASS MANUFACTURE AND DISTRIBUTION OF DRUG PAREPHENALIA: God has not only made drugs and made them easy to find, he has also made them easy to use and provided essential materials for the manufacture of drug parephenalia, including wood, stone, metal, all other solid materials and even some non-solid materials such as ice and snow. He has made these materials freely available even to our precious stupid children, knowing full well that these materials could be used by any innocent child to make drug parephenalia.
EVEN YOUR CHILD!
The drug trafficking scum has no respect even for family, and has also gotten his only begotten son, who he abandoned along with the child's impoverished single mother, involved in his underworld activities. This younger member of the Jehosaphat crime family was frequently in trouble with various authorities and has a lengthy criminal record. Most of his crimes relate to his preaching, in which he uses religious rhetoric to promote a radical Satanic anti-authoritarian agenda. Jeshua "Jesus" Christ was most recently seen in Alaska openly advocating marijuana: WE HAVE PROOF! THE "BONG HITS FOR JESUS" CULT IS GROWING EVERYDAY!
ANYONE WHO KNOWS THE WHEREABOUTS OF GOD, OR HIS SON JESUS, IS URGED TO DO THE CHRISTIAN THING AND CONTACT THE DEA IMMEDIATELY. ARMED AND DANGEROUS. DO NOT APPROACH.
ON PLANET AMERICA, NOBODY IS ABOVE THE LAW EXCEPT THE LAW.